operation harelip BJ is a go
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I party with great urgency now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
