i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
