can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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