first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
