Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize