i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize