i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
