is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
