He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
