Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just had sex bonerless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
