a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
