sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
what is it with giant penises always finding me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
