i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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