I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
