haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize