I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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