haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
