I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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