i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize