I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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