Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
