Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
