You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
