He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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