Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
