Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
