dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
