So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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