I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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