Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
