Don't make out with my wife yet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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