He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
