I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
