you guys were way drunker than both of me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
