You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
