We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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