I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
