You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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