fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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