im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
