I wanna bring you to show and tell
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
