quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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