i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
