so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
