Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
