Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
