Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
