she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
