Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
