Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
