He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize