she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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