i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
