I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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