Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
