i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Randomize
