i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
