you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
