We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
