Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
