you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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