I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
