So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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