i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
