I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
