Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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