go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
